


"Get lost!"

by AutisticWriter



Series: A is for Angst [7]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Yuri Plisetsky, Bad Days, Blood, Borderline Personality Disorder, Crying, Cutting, Friendship, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hugs, Mental Health Issues, One Shot, Prompt Fill, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Yuri Plisetsky Has Borderline Personality Disorder, past bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 02:28:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14707380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutisticWriter/pseuds/AutisticWriter
Summary: Yuri is having a very bad day. Yuuri finds him and tries to help.[Prompt 7: "Get lost!"]





	"Get lost!"

**Author's Note:**

> In case you don't know, these are the definitions of some of the BPD terms Yurio uses:  
> Splitting: when your opinion on someone or something changes rapidly from positive to negative or vice versa.  
> Favourite Person: the name given to the person someone with BPD is very attached to.

The bathroom can be a great place to hide. Yuri knows this well. Throughout his life, he has hidden in bathrooms several times. From when he was a young child being bullied by the other children at school, to the times when he is getting overloaded and shuts himself in a cubical to have a meltdown in private, Yuri is used to seeking refuge in the small cubicals inside the men’s bathroom.

And today is no exception. His mood is swinging wildly and he keeps splitting on people he usually likes (such as Yuuri, who he was pleasant to this morning and now he just wants to scream at; Yuuri is his Favourite Person, and it always makes him angry when he splits on someone he admires so much), and Yuri just wants to hide from the world to give his mood a chance to realign. Not to mention that his swinging mood is threatening to send him into a meltdown.

And so Yuri walks away from the rink without telling Yakov where he is going, hands clenched into fists and his head bowed, and his brain swarming with anger and fear and sadness and all the negative emotions he hates, whilst this all threatens to send his autistic mind into a meltdown. He grabs his bag and heads towards the bathroom, failing to notice Yuuri looking in his direction.

Yuri storms into the bathroom and locks himself inside a stall, dropping his bag on the floor and sitting on the toilet with the lid down. He grabs his head and digs his fingers into his hair, squeezing so tightly it hurts his skull, and rocks back and forth. He hates himself when he is like this; why must he be so pathetic? Why does his brain have to do this to him? just because he was bullied as a kid, why did that have to totally fuck up his brain? Why does he have to have borderline personality disorder, with a brain that will probably be stuck like this forever? His doctor told him that you usually wait until the patient is eighteen years old to diagnose BPD, but in severe cases where the patient has been showing symptoms for a long time, you can diagnose earlier. Why does he have to be one of those cases? Why did he have to start showing these horrible symptoms as young as twelve, four years ago to now be diagnosed with BPD at just sixteen? Why did his brain go wrong when he was younger and has now stuck in place? Why is he so fucking weak?

Tears start to leak from his eyes and Yuri groans. He’s going to have a meltdown, he just knows it. Unless…

Wiping the tears with his sleeve, Yuri opens his bag and rummages for his wash bag. He pushes his toothbrush and other things out of the way, and finds a pack of razors. He only started needing to shave recently, and he isn’t very good at it. He cuts his face often, so Yuri knows very well just how sharp the blades are. Is he going to do this?

Yes he is.

And then Yuri is breaking the plastic casing and pulling out a blade, and more tears spill down his cheeks. He bits his lip and pulls his trousers down, exposing scars littering his pale thigh. He has cut himself many times, leaving his leg covered in long, thin scars. And he is going to do it again. He knows it is an unhealthy coping mechanism, but cutting helps. Self harm helps him when he is low or stressed or angry, giving him the emotional release he needs to cope with his life and his fucked up brain.

And, gritting his teeth to stop any cries of pain, Yuri grips the blade, presses it against his skin and…

Blood dribbles across his thigh. Yuri gasps at the pain. More tears run down his face.

And that is when he hears the voice.

“Yuri? Are you in here?”

It is Yuuri. Why is he here? Why can’t he just leave him alone?

Yuri tries to ignore him, clamping his hand over his mouth to keep quiet. But the fucking Pork Cutlet Bowl knocks on the door of his cubical.

“Yuri?”

Yuri sighs and snaps, "Get lost!”

But his voice comes out far too shaky, ruining his façade. Yuuri notices too.

“Yuri? Is something wrong? Can… can I help in any way?”

“Just go away, Pork Cutlet Bowl,” he says.

How pitiful. He cuts deeper, hot blood spilling across his skin. But he whimpers from the pain that shoots through his leg, and—

“What was that?”

Yuuri heard. Shit.

“Yuri, are you hurt? Please, let me in.”

Yuuri even kicks the door, mimicking the time Yuri did the same when he found Yuuri crying after his awful performance at the Grand Prix Final all those months ago. How ironic that their positions have been reversed.

“Yuri! Are you okay?” Yuuri cries, and he sounds so worried, and suddenly the guilt of making his Favourite Person upset hits him like a punch to the stomach and he cuts again, letting out a spluttering whimper.

“Fuck off!” he mutters, not wanting Yuuri to see him like this.

But Yuuri doesn’t. Just as Yuri starts folding up toilet paper to cover the wound, Yuuri kicks the door again and the door bursts open.

And Yuri hunches forwards and Yuuri gasps, both of them horrified by what is happening. Yuuri stares at him and the blood smeared all over his thigh, and Yuri screws his eyes up and wishes he was somewhere else. He drops the razor blade and it clatters to the floor.

“Yuri…” Yuuri gasps. “What… What’s wrong?”

Yuri wants to scream at him for being so calm, for asking a fucking stupid question, but he can’t. Because he is crying too hard. Because he thinks he might be going nonverbal.

Yuuri doesn’t shout at him. Instead, he steps closer, takes the wad of tissue from his shaking hand, and carefully covers the cut on Yuri’s leg for him. And Yuri finds himself sobbing into Yuuri’s shoulder, too weak to argue or yell or push him away. He… he just wants a hug.

Soon, Yuri is getting first aid and a recommendation to see his therapist more often, and Yuuri is with him the whole time. And Yuuri doesn’t tell the others why Yuri has to sit out of skating for the next couple of days, giving him a reassuring smile.

And even though Yuri feels so ill and his leg hurts, he is so very grateful for Yuuri’s help. He really is a brilliant Favourite Person.


End file.
